It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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