Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
