so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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