bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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