phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
