bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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