Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
