It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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