dude i'm inner monologue high
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
