Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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