my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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