just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
