I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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