so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
