so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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