I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
