Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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