Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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