They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
