weddingsv make me drug and hornr
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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