i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
