Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
