last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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