it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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