i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
