I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
