I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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