I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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