thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
