I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
