my mouth tastes like poor choices
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
