my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
