Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
