i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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