I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
