I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
