Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
