1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
