Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I supernannyed him into submission
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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