I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
