He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
