so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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