Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
