12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
