I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
