Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
