Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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