I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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