She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
