i just google imaged poop.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
