Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
