party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
