I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
